When I got serious about looking for my life partner, someone recommended FIREDating.me, a niche dating site for the financial independence / retire early crowd.
The recommendation from my FI circle was logical:
Hey
, you’re into personal finance and probably want to date someone who’s also really good with money. What about dating someone from the FIRE community?
Fast forward. When I met my partner, she didn’t know about FIRE.
Being early in her medical career, she did not start investing yet.
But she was motivated to learn and discuss it with me. She…
Picked up the Financial Feminist on her own and enjoyed it
Watched Ramit’s How to Get Rich on Netflix
Has been open-minded to my ideas and advice, everything from opening up a travel credit card to 401(k) contributions.
To my surprise…I’ve met people from the FIRE community who weren’t as open-minded. Even if many of them were at more advanced stages of their finances, that didn’t necessarily translate to a openness to different opinions about life and money.
I’d rather date an engaged money newbie who’s willing learn, than someone with a big personal finance ego.
(Obviously these traits aren’t mutually exclusive, but I’m just proving a point here)
The operative word is willingness.
As author Paul Arden made famous in his book, “It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be.”
Where you want to go matters more than where you are right now
One of my close friends was the first chair violinist in our high school orchestra. I knew someone else who sat a bit further back - maybe 5th or 6th chair - but still incredibly talented.
My friend did not pursue a career in music, and hasn’t picked up a violin in years.
He just happened to be good at it, at that time.
Just because you could, doesn’t mean you should.
Meanwhile, the other violinist became a full-blown musician.
Imagine that my friend begrudgingly went into music, just because he was good at it (he’s now a product manager).
Imagine that the other violinist gave up a music career, just because she wasn’t first chair.
Over the long arc of any journey, your personal desire is #1.
Your will beats skill.
Especially in the beginning of long, difficult journeys.
Your financial skills don’t matter that much—in the beginning
I’m devastated when I hear: I’m just not good with money.
I don’t pity their lack of skill. I worry about their lack of will.
Public service announcement:
It’s okay if you are bad at money, so long as you want to get good with money.
Full stop.
Those who want to get good with money are powered by their desires:
They set money goals.
They talk to a money coach or financial planner.
They read personal finance books and listen to podcasts.
Their will is the proverbial Archimedes lever that makes everything else possible.
Just because some people are intelligent doesn’t mean they’re good with personal finance. (I’m reminded of that one time a Mensa member asked me what funds they should pick in their retirement accounts—their money was just sitting in cash).
To contrast, becoming good with money can be easier than one might think.
There are enough success stories of ordinary folks reaching financial independence, such that books like The Millionaire Next Door exist.
It’s just a matter of will.
Your living will
I find it interesting that the primary document for inheritance is called a will.
The Old-English “willan” simply meant to wish, to intend, to desire.
But wills aren’t just for estate planning the morbid end.
Every desire that we turn into intention, then crafted into action…is a clause in a living will. It’s a daily declaration that says, “Here is where I want my energy to go.”
Legal wills transfer assets after we’re gone; personal will transfers momentum while we’re here.
So the question isn’t just What will you leave behind?
It’s what are you willing into motion today?
Got a story to share about how you willed something into existence, despite initial hurdles?
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